The 100 Best Things That Have Ever Happened To Me, 1972 to 2007.

1. My mailman was confused.
2. I told off a car dealer.
3. I soothed my depression and agony with beer.
4. I was totally clean.
5. I ate the whole goddamn bag.
6. I was the fifth member of OK Go.
7. I kept my thoughts to myself.
8. I had the magic touch.
9. I was totally bad ass.
10. I was mistaken for likeable meteorologist.
11. I confused a telemarketer.
12. Someone appreciated my whistling.
13. Amadeus rocked me.
14. I got revenge.
15. I was awarded for laziness.
16. I rocked down to the Jewels.
17. I got something for nothing.
18. I offered hitting advice to baseball legend Frank Thomas.
19. Hipster lit novelist Dave Eggers interviewed me for a job.
20. I parked next to one of those assholes.
21. I was completely reckless and didn't give a fuck.
22. I organized my compact discs.
23. I got into geography.
24. I discovered boxer briefs.
25. I saw a baby deer.
26. I fucked with the University of Illinois.
27. I learned the joy of being sarcastic to authority figures.
28. I married a very sensible woman.
29. I was a frugal hipster.
30. I ordered room service.
31. I learned how to play Led Zeppelin on guitar.
32. I got carded.
33. I was rewarded for my loyalty.
34. The Chicago Bears got me drunk.
35. I saw a dude totally wipe out.
36. I became a music snob.
37. I was entertained by goths.
38. I saw "Clash of the Titans."
39. I had selective memory.
40. I was snowed in.
41. I fell for a very funny practical joke.
42. I invented a game.
43. Someone thought I was a rockstar.
44. Jesus was saved by me.
45. A teacher flirted with me.
46. I was extremely generous.
47. My mom didn't get to see Chuck Berry in concert.
48. I got lost in New York City.
49. I parked like a rockstar.
50. I broke the ice.
51. I saw nature in action.
52. I made a friend.
53. I said no.
54. I bought a CheckPoint 6-60 Leveler.
55. I had the greatest job ever.
56. I avoided eye contact.
57. I acted like a snob.
58. I was a frugal romantic.
59. My mother-in-law thought I was generous.
60. I didn't give a tip.
61. I was elected as a staunch conservative.
62. I told my wife the truth.
63. I told a local power player to suck it.
64. I didn't give the finger.
65. I was forced to wait.
66. I made fun of the high school dean.
67. I fooled my boss into thinking I was a real go-getter.
68. I forced my daughter to watch Telemundo.
69. I drove behind someone awesome.
70. I was a total motherfuckin' rockstar.
71. I rocked out with my cock out.
72. My roommates had a kickass idea.
73. I lived the phat life.
74. I unloaded some junk.
75. I escaped certain death.
76. I was a hot rodder.
77. I was mistaken for a homeless man.
78. The 1985 Chicago Bears beat the crap out of the 2006 Colts.
79. The J. Crew Catalog came in.
80. I fought the law.
81. I bought my first albums.
82. I discovered a stash.
83. I fixed my Carmex jar.
84. I learned the value of a dollar.
85. I wasn't a drug addict.
86. The Pixies hated Chicago.
87. I didn't have to say "I told you so."
88. I got free cable.
89. I cared for my wife.
90. I gave to those less fortunate than me.
91. I bravely declined treatment.
92. I avoided an awkward situation.
93. I discovered the longest eyebrow hair ever.
94. I was a badass motherfucker.
95. I remained incredibly modest and despite childhood fame and fortune.
96. I made fun of my infant daughter.
97. I stopped caring.
98. I met someone as petty and small minded as me.
99. I was a jolly and entertaining drunk.
100. I made a bodybuilder laugh.
101. I finished listing all the best things that have ever happened to me.