Friday, March 9, 2007

The 100 Best Things That Have Ever Happened To Me, 1972 to 2007.

  1. My mailman was confused.
  2. I told off a car dealer.
  3. I soothed my depression and agony with beer.
  4. I was totally clean.
  5. I ate the whole goddamn bag.
  6. I was the fifth member of OK Go.
  7. I kept my thoughts to myself.
  8. I had the magic touch.
  9. I was totally bad ass.
  10. I was mistaken for likeable meteorologist.
  11. I confused a telemarketer.
  12. Someone appreciated my whistling.
  13. Amadeus rocked me.
  14. I got revenge.
  15. I was awarded for laziness.
  16. I rocked down to the Jewels.
  17. I got something for nothing.
  18. I offered hitting advice to baseball legend Frank Thomas.
  19. Hipster lit novelist Dave Eggers interviewed me for a job.
  20. I parked next to one of those assholes.
  21. I was completely reckless and didn't give a fuck.
  22. I organized my compact discs.
  23. I got into geography.
  24. I discovered boxer briefs.
  25. I saw a baby deer.
  26. I fucked with the University of Illinois.
  27. I learned the joy of being sarcastic to authority figures.
  28. I married a very sensible woman.
  29. I was a frugal hipster.
  30. I ordered room service.
  31. I learned how to play Led Zeppelin on guitar.
  32. I got carded.
  33. I was rewarded for my loyalty.
  34. The Chicago Bears got me drunk.
  35. I saw a dude totally wipe out.
  36. I became a music snob.
  37. I was entertained by goths.
  38. I saw "Clash of the Titans."
  39. I had selective memory.
  40. I was snowed in.
  41. I fell for a very funny practical joke.
  42. I invented a game.
  43. Someone thought I was a rockstar.
  44. Jesus was saved by me.
  45. A teacher flirted with me.
  46. I was extremely generous.
  47. My mom didn't get to see Chuck Berry in concert.
  48. I got lost in New York City.
  49. I parked like a rockstar.
  50. I broke the ice.
  51. I saw nature in action.
  52. I made a friend.
  53. I said no.
  54. I bought a CheckPoint 6-60 Leveler.
  55. I had the greatest job ever.
  56. I avoided eye contact.
  57. I acted like a snob.
  58. I was a frugal romantic.
  59. My mother-in-law thought I was generous.
  60. I didn't give a tip.
  61. I was elected as a staunch conservative.
  62. I told my wife the truth.
  63. I told a local power player to suck it.
  64. I didn't give the finger.
  65. I was forced to wait.
  66. I made fun of the high school dean.
  67. I fooled my boss into thinking I was a real go-getter.
  68. I forced my daughter to watch Telemundo.
  69. I drove behind someone awesome.
  70. I was a total motherfuckin' rockstar.
  71. I rocked out with my cock out.
  72. My roommates had a kickass idea.
  73. I lived the phat life.
  74. I unloaded some junk.
  75. I escaped certain death.
  76. I was a hot rodder.
  77. I was mistaken for a homeless man.
  78. The 1985 Chicago Bears beat the crap out of the 2006 Colts.
  79. The J. Crew Catalog came in.
  80. I fought the law.
  81. I bought my first albums.
  82. I discovered a stash.
  83. I fixed my Carmex jar.
  84. I learned the value of a dollar.
  85. I wasn't a drug addict.
  86. The Pixies hated Chicago.
  87. I didn't have to say "I told you so."
  88. I got free cable.
  89. I cared for my wife.
  90. I gave to those less fortunate than me.
  91. I bravely declined treatment.
  92. I avoided an awkward situation.
  93. I discovered the longest eyebrow hair ever.
  94. I was a badass motherfucker.
  95. I remained incredibly modest and despite childhood fame and fortune.
  96. I made fun of my infant daughter.
  97. I stopped caring.
  98. I met someone as petty and small minded as me.
  99. I was a jolly and entertaining drunk.
  100. I made a bodybuilder laugh.
  101. I finished listing all the best things that have ever happened to me.